I usually like getting surprise packages in the mail. And I liked getting this one. For the most part. It’s always fun to find a key to the package locker in your mail box unexpectedly. What is it, and who could it be from.
When I took it out, I immediately knew it was from my friend Tall One. So called because I am in danger of cutting my face on his belt buckle when I hug him. There were several clues. One was the way it was wrapped. One was the return address. One was the missive written all around the return address.
That missive, with improper spelling is replicated below.
S,G, and R said you R eating vegan u health. So enclosed you will find vegan tidbits 4 u w/no animal ingredients. Not even crfood! DO NOT place in-on or near water, feces or fertilizer. MAY GROW!!!
How this got through the US mail, I have no idea. And it’s a damned lie. Anybody who knows me knows that in my lexicon PETA stands for People Eating Tasty Animals. Which is one of the ways that he teases me.
So I set about finding my multi-tool, because I know from the past that
it will take many tools to get into this box. And so it did. First I had to cut through the many yards of tape on the outside wrapper. That wasn’t good enough, so I had to cut through many yards of tape on the inside wrapper. Inside was a candy box, but it was also swathed in tape, and the lid was sitting about a quarter inch above where it should meet with the bottom. Intriguing. There was also a note taped to the top of the box.
You never know what you will find in one of these boxes from TO. Once when he was relatively rich, I found several hundred dollars in with the gift. Money I needed at the time. I do believe that same amount went back to him when I got my lump sum from SSDI. Also enclosed in a present.
So I read the note (and no, I’m not going to share), and then cut the tape
on the box to find…bubble wrap. Enclosed in the bubble wrap was some very expensive chocolate. Some of which was indeed labeled vegan. The man knows my taste, dark chocolate will get you everywhere.
Now for the sad part. TO lives out in the wilderness. Well, not really, but he does live in a rural area. He has no income that I know of, or a very small one from the state, at most. The chocolate probably came from the food bank. I can’t imagine him buying it. And although I love him dearly, he is crazy as a pet coon, literally. There was a note inside the box, too, which showed some deterioration in his thinking, and paranoia. He told me not to write back, as he doesn’t have a return address at the moment. Also, no phone.
If he lived in an urban area he would be homeless. As it is, he lives in the house his dad left him. The place would need a lot of work to come up to the standard of hovel. And he’s 100 miles away, I can’t do anything to help him right now. His family is no help, whatever is causing him to be crazy affects most of the rest of them. The best I can hope for is that he cooperates with the state/his doctors long enough to get on SSDI, so that at least he has an income. I wish I could just jump in a car and go the 100 miles to see how he is. I think it may come to pass that when I get my inheritance , he will get added to a cell phone family plan, and I will make sure he has a return address. Right now I”m just glad to know he’s alive, even if he is crazy, impoverished, and homeless.