Posted by: silverstar98121 | August 8, 2008

Would you like some cheesecake with that?

I ask because this is in the form of a whine. The whine comes from deep in my soul, so bear with me here. It harks back very deep.

What I have to do to get attention!

What I have to do to get attention!

It started last night when I googled “naked fat lady photo.” No, I’m not going to tell you why. And I ended up at Kate Harding’s Shapely Prose. Which lead me to Feministe, which lead me to think about a lot of things.

And one of the things that I thought about is how women are treated generally, and how women bloggers are treated specifically. First we have the New York Times talking about Blogher, and putting it in the style and fashion section. Then there was the outrage at the tone of the piece, and it’s placement in the Style and Fashion section. Then there was the outrage at the outrage, and the warnings that nobody would marry a pottymouth. Hey, most of us have been there and done that already. And sometimes being a pottymouth is the only way to get some attention. Then there is the condescending thing about how we get no respect because we don’t put our real names out there like Kos, despite the very real dangers to women that presents.

And I thought about the things we women do to get traffic to our sites. Nurse Myra loves to dress up on

More attention getters.

More attention getters.

Friday, and has a collection of corsets for the purpose. That just seems to be part of who she is. It isn’t a part of me, however. And then there are the women at Half Nekkid Thursday. Some of the photos I saw were very artistic. Others were triple XXX porn. NO, I really don’t want to see a picture of you having sex with your boyfiend.

Some of this feeds into issues from my long-ago dissolved marriage. Besides being a porn addict, my ex was a photographer, with his own darkroom. I will leave you to fill in the picture. Let me just say that he made the mistake of leaving his negatives with me for a while, and I had lots of fun cutting up stuff I wanted to make sure the world never saw. And I think about the women having sex with their boyfriends on the internet at Half Nekkid Thursday, and I wonder if they are being exploited, like I was. Or are the part of the new Raunch Culture? And what does it say about their self-respect? They may not regret it now, but many women have been brought down from lofty places by nude piccies in the wrong hands. Funny how that rarely happens to men.

It seems even when men are caught out in embarrassing situations, such as being revealed to use a hooker and have a diaper fetish, it rarely brings them down. Some of those folks are still in Congress. Unless they seemed squeaky clean and then were found to be really dirty, like Eliot Spitzer.



And it gets tied up with the way the disabled are treated, and the old are treated, and fat people are treated. Did you know that fat is about the only thing you can be disgusted with and still be
politically correct? Despite the fact that nobody has found a way to permanently lose the weight. Even gastric bypass sometimes doesn’t work for long. And there is some evidence that dieting can be worse for you than carrying the weight.

So, where is all this going? I guess it’s just a whine that the only way to get my traffic to decent levels is to show some boobs. And that nobody but Rob reads my serious stuff. *smewches* (Just on the cybercheek, Annie. No, not that cheek, the one up top.) And that some people aren’t reading and commenting anymore. Do you think I have enough links and other things to increase my traffic?

I guess another point is that I do have some standards. I’m not gonna get naked for you. Live with it. If I

Sue Tilley by Lucian Freud

Sue Tilley by Lucian Freud

did it would look something like that picture. Don’t laugh, it sold for $33.6 million dollars. And this is the end of the skin you’re getting from me. I will do T-shirt Friday, but more because I have interesting T-shirts than that have interesting boobs. Sometimes I think it’s too bad we can’t just bare our brains for everyone to admire.


  1. how many blogs do you have? I only have time to read silverstar.

    corset friday is about me feeling like I’m still a sexual being even though I have not fucked anyone since stephen died. maybe I never will again, I feel like my heart and body still belong to him. all the corsets I photograph are ones that I wore for him during our 8 year relationship. our relationship was predicated on sex and I miss that part of myself. but not as much as I miss him…..

  2. I have five, but I rarely write in the other ones. And Photofilia is all pictures.

    I understand that corset Friday is a large part of who you are, and how you are expressing your grief. That’s fine for you. You have fans. Keep it up. I don’t believe Stephen’s been dead even a year yet, these things take time. And maybe he was the only one for you. If Corset Friday is how you express that part of yourself, I’m glad you’ve found a way. It’s probably much safer than some of the acting out I did after my husband left. And you do it so artfully. But as I said, skin is not for me, I’ve decided.

    Still friends?

  3. You know, I admire you, Myra and Daisy for being comfortable enough with yourselves to be able to take pictures and post them. My issues barely allow me to post ordinary pictures.

    Myra, I have known since the first time I saw your blog that it is your therapy. A person does feel as though the sexual side of themselves has been buried too. It’s good to hang on to it by whatever means necessary.

    Silver, I am a terrible commenter and Rob is always reading blogs to me (like yours) and so my lazy side allows this.

  4. You’ve posted your face, Annie, and Robs. That’s not something I’m brave enough to do. We all have our hang-ups, my face on the Internet is mine.

  5. It’s interesting Silver….I feel the same way. Half way between what Nurse M uses her space for, and half way how you feel. I love being able to finally express a part of myself that was denied for years (because I felt fat and ugly and completely unlovable). Now I celebrate. And I don’t care. But I also get quite pissed that my blog traffic spikes MASSIVELY when I post a pic of my boobs.

    But, what I know, is that I’m a whole lot more than my boobs. And there are people who comment on both. The serious, dark introspective stuff, and the stuff about sex and boobs and being a saucy wench.

    And it makes sense for me to share both those parts, because they make up me.

    I’ve also had to rap myself over the knuckles not to post boob pics when I’m feeling unloved just to get the hits…that’s the dangerous part. 🙂

    Cool post. Made me think.

  6. While I was not a pretty popular teenager, I bloomed during my twenties and realized that oddly men and women took me more seriously the more attractive I was. Now, I’m nearing 50 and losing my bloom a bit and realizing that some people do reach only for the shiny pretties. Still, the confidence I gained in my middle years has helped me understand that life responds best to your attitude.

    I’m certainly not as attractive as I was as a teenager but my confidence, my ability to keep kickin’ ass even when I’m sad or weary and my refusal to give up keeps me proud of myself. In the end, that is what counts.

  7. Dolce, my point exactly, it pisses me off that my traffic tripled when I posted on T-shirt Friday. But I can save you the trouble of posting your boobs when you are feeling unloved. Without Nurse Myra’s recommendation my hits are just average today.

    Kym, I look at your picture, and it must have been taken years ago. You don’t look anything like nearly 50.

  8. this is a powerful post, silverstar – and the comments make it even more so… i’m beyond scrambled at the moment (work, life, family have conspired to clog my thinking) but will just hack up my reaction…

    we are all blogging for our own very personal reasons… with the common thread that we all “have something we wish to say” – whether it’s to share a view point or articulate our own issues.

    but then there is that “validation” thing that sneaks up on us… the easiest way to measure this is by counting hits – we like things that can be measured. not a good measure if what we’re really about is “saying something”.

    understanding why we do it, and measuring our success against MEETING OUR OWN NEEDS is going to result in much less frustration. playing with different “voices” – whether it is poetry, music, graphics or photos of our skin – seems a natural part of the exploration.

    regarding “commenters” – an observation is that people will come and go. consider each individual blog as a soap bubble (3-D Venn Diagram for the math-geeks!). The bubbles, float, intersect, share resonance – sometimes forming large clusters, sometimes floating along quietly disconnected to other bubbles. if your “blog bubble” is the living, breathing “voice”, then your readers and commenters should be expected to ebb, flow and evolve over time…

    perhaps the healthiest approach is to just let blogosphere nature take it’s course. i spend over 2 hours a day reading/commenting on blogs. that is WAAAAY more time than i have to spare, and WAAAAY more time than i put into my own posts at the moment – and as a result, i’ve lost focus on my “mission”.

    For now? it’s simply not possible for me to hoark up the memories. that exhausts me. i am too obliterated with what’s going on in my life (an example of the latest? my son was in a wreck – he’s fine – and i had a patch of basal cell carcinoma removed from my face… THIS WEEK). sometimes i NEED light and fluffy and simply can’t handle deep thoughts.

    My point here is that if people drop off, perhaps we shouldn’t take it personally – perhaps they are dealing with life…

    You are beautiful, Silverstar. You are an adventurer, a raconteur, kind, smart and thoughtful – and you crack me up! Your approach to this topic – directly and honestly sharing your well-articulated point of view – captures a good bit of your beauty!

    Keep writing – you’ve got a helluva voice!

  9. shit. that was long. i need to self-edit. sorry… i need a drink…. is it friday?

  10. great comment daisyfae – and yes, it’s time to pour yourself a drink xx

  11. Daisy Fae, no self-editing allowed. I hope you and Nurse Myra have both had your drinkies by now. I am about to get one, although, with all my meds it will perforce be diet cola. But I will drink to all the women on the internet, and their disparate voices. No, I did NOT say desperate.

  12. Venturing in as the only male commenter thus far…

    daisyfae raises many good and valid points in her comment. I’ve kind of explored the whole “why do I blog?” question myself. (I think I did it “out loud” on my blog as well and garnered much the same reasoning from daisyfae then.)

    It is nice to have the validation in response to what one divulges in a blog post. And – as we have had so engrained in us by North American society – more is better. It is difficult to not get caught up in the whole “popularity” contest aspect.

    But at the end of the day, the numbers don’t really matter. Unless you’re trying to sell something or generate enough traffic to catch the attention of advertisers. (Incidentally, I almost never re-visit sites that contain a lot of ad banners. I can’t tolerate the page loading time wait and the cookie flood that comes with it.) It’s really quality and not quantity that I think should be the focus.

    The ebb and flow thing? Yeah, I’ve done that too. Initially I was finding blogs via the StumbleUpon plug-in to Firefox. These would generally be widely read humour blogs – like Johnny Virgil’s 15 minute lunch or the Waiter Rant. At first they were funny as hell. But after a while, even these prolific bloggers seemed to struggle in either posting regularly or being funny. Or both. I suspect that, oft times, life – real life – was intervening. Other than Stumble I would use the blogger “Next Blog” button to randomly find blogs (Annie was blogging at blogger then and I was a “contributor”.) Via “Next Blog” I found a blogger in DC (“Life of Red”) and on her blog roll I found Uncle Keith who, at the time, had some hysterically funny posts (look back and find the “Santa is a butt pipe post”; you’ll pee your pants I think!). I found nursemyra through comments she left at Uncle Keith’s blog, which is where I first started reading daisyfae’s comments, which led me to her blog, then to gnukid which led to you silverstar. Quite convoluted, eh? ….and a little off topic.

    Okay, this comment has gone long enough and – with interruptions – I’ve lost my train of thought.

    I’m sure many bloggers have agonized over whether they get enough “traffic” or what they can do to sustain “traffic”. I think what a blogger should do is examine their own motives for the blog. For me, it’s a way to vent or just get something off my chest or to share something I find funny. If the self examination leads to the conclusion that the blogger should continue blogging for their own reasons, then they should do so.

    Perhaps the line from “Field of Dreams” may apply?

    “If you build it, they will come.”


    PS. Thank you for the shout out.

  13. Oh, I forgot. I agree with pretty much all you said about the exploitation of women in your post. That sort of thing makes me sad for our species. Sometimes I think that sentience is wasted on many humans.

  14. Excellent whine! I quite enjoyed that.

  15. Thanks, Rob. I think I’m just pissed that I have to show skin to get attention from most men.

    Welcome, Azahar.

  16. […] for sinking into “nobody loves me, I’m going to go eat worms” mode in my recent rant. The post would have been more powerful without it. I would edit it out, but then the comments […]

  17. Oh, I love that. Haven’t heard it in ages.
    Nobody loves me
    Everybody hates me
    Guess I’ll Go Eat Worms —
    First you bite the heads off,
    then you suck the juice out,
    Then you throw the rest away!

    Gee, thanks for letting me get that out of my system.

    My question here, though, is why do you care how many hits you get? DF is right – if you resonate with some people, and make comments on other blogs, people will come back and read you. DF resonates so hard sometimes she may be my sister. You may be, too!

    I get an obscene number of hits on my blog, but it’s because of the porn on the backend. Okay, not porn, erotica. More links to it than Carter’s got pills. Famous. Big time once. I’ll put a link to you from my blog if you want, it will probably up your ratings, but it’s still the sex that’s selling.

    Also, since this is your blog, you should/could feel free to moderate as you see fit. Why even let the trolls begin to have their say? I moderate every new comment on mine. If I don’t like it, it never sees the light of day. Fuck ’em. It’s my blog. I ain’t in it for the controversy.
    Not that I ever write anything controversial, anyway. So never mind.

  18. Hey BC, you know, this started out to be a feminist rant along the lines of “why do women have to use sex to get attention.?” It deteriorated from there. And I guess it will probably always be sex that sells. Men can have noble thoughts, women must show their boobs. I think that’s what Annie’s saying here.

    As to the trolls, I put the first troll on because he was betting his buddies I wouldn’t. He thought because he was a new commenter and went into moderation that I had a policy like yours. Maybe I should, but it’s a pain in the ass. As they got nastier, they pissed me off. I mainly closed comments because I didn’t want to be as petty as they were and start a flame war. I expressed my concerns politely on his blog, I didn’t deserve what I got. Fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke. (No I didn’t make a joke about it. They are just young and insensitive. Perhaps time will change that, it did for me.)

    Thanks for the link. I will probably continue to get my 30 some-odd hits per day, many of them looking for psittacosis, except on T-shirt Fridays. And be glad of it. I do try to link to other people that I think might enjoy each other, and may not have tripped over each other yet. That will probably increase my traffic, too. But I’m not out for Global Media Domination like Raincoaster. I just want to dominate Seattle.

  19. It’s a man’s world after all…! Women in a man made world, doesn’t work out very well, does it?
    Stay warm. How is the begonia, did it root?

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