For all his other failings, my ex was an honest cop. Too honest, in my opinion. He was alway writing himself tickets for stuff like expired license tabs. But he really picked on me. He wrote me tickets for watering after hours. He wrote me tickets for parking too far from the curb. I’d see him out with a yard stick measuring how far I had parked from the curb. I was always looking over my shoulder.
I did beat him in court once, though. We were standing out in the yard, and our dog jumped over the fence. I yelled at her, and she jumped back in. She was very good at this. She usually didn’t get far, but she liked to jump out of the yard. This one time, he wrote me a ticket for dog at large.
This ticket was so unfair. In the first place, she was his dog. She rarely came to me, always slept on his side of the bed, and made it very apparent I was not her mistress. Why should I get the ticket?
I looked up the ordnance in the town laws, and saw that a dog that wasn’t in a yard had to be on a leash or under voice control of the owner. So this one time, I went to court. I told the magistrate that indeed the dog had jumped out of the yard, but that she had jumped back in when I told her to. Thus, I contended, she was under voice control. He couldn’t deny that the dog had obeyed and jumped back in the yard. So, I got a not guilty verdict on that one. And he slacked off writing me tickets for a while.